Music

Music is a part of a child’s life even before birth. Mom’s constant heartbeat or the cadence of her walk feel normal. Once in mom’s arms, there are lullabies, tinkling mobiles, cooing. So much learning is enhanced with music. Has any child learned the ABC’s without the accompanying song? Rhythm and clapping songs. Head & shoulders, knees and toes. Twinkle twinkle little star.

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Intro: Talking With Our Children { }

We believe that art is not a separate discipline from just plain living. Just as you wouldn’t break the fun by saying, “This is a lesson about language arts” each time you sing the Alphabet song or read a book, so too we hope you can treat the suggestions in this website as part of your daily interplay with your child. These conversations should feel like extensions of their play, not a new agenda. If the conversations feel natural – introduced and abandoned with ease, children will begin to assume that discussion of feelings and expression of feelings is what one talks about. They can happen anywhere, anytime. You can be a twosome or a foursome or … Just begin and enjoy.

Here are a few pointers:

Finding the moment.

Maybe it’s a quiet play moment, or one when your child is inviting you into the pretend. The mood should be easy. Once you have had a few of these conversations it will be easier to spot the opportunities.

Space & time.

These conversations can run anywhere from a couple of minutes to a long, deep dialogue. It is best if it is relatively quiet, somewhat private (even if the conversation is with a group). Car rides, setting the table, brushing teeth.

Introducing the topics with care.

Not because they are difficult to discuss. (They’re not. They’re fun.) It shouldn’t feel like a change in conversation but a part of a conversation.

Fatigue.

The questions may seem simple. And it will flow naturally into more exploration. But remember that these simple questions can require real thought – especially as your children start to explore issues of individuality and belonging. One or two – then step away.

Pace.

There’s no hurry. Sometimes a child will hear the question, wonder, then not answer. That’s okay. To fill in the gap, consider telling one of your stories related to the question. There’s learning – and connecting – in that too.

Conversation – not lesson.

Enough said.

Easy and safe.

Sometimes you may feel a little frustrated by what you are hearing. Ease is important. No judging.

Enjoy.

There will be many tender moments. And you might find out a thing or two about yourself.

Happy Dance – Together { }

Help your child explore the power of dance – especially when done in a group.

Feelings are like the wind going through Windsock Man on a breezy day. Babies do a happy dance when you make them laugh; all their arms and legs move like crazy as the feelings find their way all the way through the body. Together (the more the merrier) invent some moves that express happiness. Then, together, ‘choreograph’ a few moves that you will do together – over and over – to some fun music.

Now, to switch it up, you each do the dance alone. Ask them if it felt different. Which way did they like best?
Sometimes songs can help you feel what you want to feel { }
(I am using, “Let It Go” from Frozen in this guide, but I encourage you to work with one of your child’s favorite songs.)

In the movie, Frozen, Elsa finds the courage to be herself, to be proud of who she really is. She knows that if she tells people more about herself, she might lose some friends. But she finds her courage and decides to do it.
- That’s a feeling we all need to feel, isn’t it? That’s one of the reasons the song was so popular. People wanted to feel that feeling over and over again. They wanted to connect with their courage.
- Tell them about a time that when you were growing up and found a helpful song. Sing it to them – and let yourself get emotional if that happens naturally. Their lives are just as tough as yours was. If you get stuck, you might think about “Once there was a little ole ant …. thought he’d move a rubber tree plant …”
- It’s a good thing if we want to listen to a song many times. It could be our heart is telling us it needs some time to work on something.
- Share some of your favorite songs today. Why do you think you like them so much? Listen together – and again – open up about what you are feeling. Music has such a great way to help hearts come together. What better than to open up and invite your child in.
- When you hear a song on the car radio that makes you feel something – talk about it. Ask if they get the same feelings. Make a habit of treating music as an invitation to talk about feelings.
- Encourage them to go to family members and friends to ask about songs that helped them. Consider staring a diary of those discussions. Consider making a play list and sharing it with all.
Did You Know There’s a Whales’ Top 10? { }
These conversation starters can help your child appreciate music as a connector and that music evolves over time. This article. Humpback whales have distinct song cultures , can give you some background info.
- Share this video of whales singing.
- Did you know that whales enjoy music as much as we do? They often sing long songs as they travel, inventing new melodies and rhythms. The music keeps them connected with one another across great distances.
- Whales are like people another way too – they like to make new music all the time.
- Let’s think about some songs we used to like and listen to a lot.
- When I was your age, my favorite song was ___, for a while. But then, when I got in high school, it was more like ___ and ___.
- What are your favorites now? Do your friends like the same songs? Do you talk about them with your friends?
- Let’s think about some songs you liked when you were smaller. (You might need to help them remember.)
- Sing an old song or two together, commenting on how it brings back so many memories. Those songs will always be in your heart, even when you are 70 years old, even though you will have had 100’s of new favorites since then.
- I wonder what Grandma or Grandpa’s favorite old songs are. Let’s plan on asking next time we see them. Maybe we can get them to sing them for us.
Special Occasions { }

When your family is on the way to a wedding, graduation, funeral, sports rally, etc. – make a habit of anticipating with your child what the music will be like. Help them begin to see the role music has in important life moments.

“We’re off to a sports event. What will the music be like? What do they want people to feel?”

Can you think of some songs that definitely won’t fit? Like “Lullaby and good night?” Have fun – get a little outrageous.

Let’s imagine if there was no music at all. How would that change things?

Share a wink when you notice a song you predicted would be played.
Let’s Go On a Dancing Trip! { }
The purpose of this activity is simply to get your children moving and dancing and enjoying themselves. They will feel proud when they can move into the next dance even before they see you doing it. And, obviously you will both feel the joy of doing the dances together.

The fun of this game is restarting and repeating each dance move before they discover the next one. Think of “A Partridge in a Pear Tree” – for your feet (and the rest of your body too!) Make up your own stories and dances. The examples listed are meant to give you a sense of what a dancing trip can be.
- Lead the children on an imaginary journey. Start MARCHING. We’re going on a dancing trip. As you march, talk about some of the things you see. You see clouds, and oak trees aaaaaand pigs crossing the road doing BALLET!
- When you say ballet, do a fancy pirouette or plie.
- Then begin again, marching, seeing clouds, oak trees and pigs doing ballet (you do your ballet moves), then start pointing out other things you see – a hot dog stand, a school aaaaand bears skating in a SKATING Rink.
- You both skate for about 10 seconds, then begin again each time doing the dances mentioned.
- Going on a marching trip … ballet … skating … and now describe what you see. There are cows and kids on bikes and BUNNIES. Do your best bunny hop for a bit, then begin again.
- Marching, ballet, skating, bunny hop and now you see …. dogs barking, a squirrel in a tree aaaaand – Grandpa doing a HULA dance.
- Then begin again – you get the picture.
- Once they get the hang of it, ask what they see.
- You can end it by seeing a plane to take you home – out of dancing land.
In the Director’s Chair: Movies & Music Double Feature { }

One afternoon, watch a movie on television with your children. When it is over, watch it again with notebooks and notice when the music comes and goes. What type is it? What do you think they wanted the music to do? Rewind and play without sound. Does the scene feel different?

You can suggest that this is an exercise program for their ears. And, surely, it could easily be turned into a project for a school report.

If they get tired of it in 10 minutes – that’s just fine. The hook is in. Just occasionally – on other days – ask if they noticed the music telling them what to feel? Then – never mention it again. (Just kidding – but it is more important to keep these interruptions rare – and light. Or else they will dread when you join them for a movie.)
The Graduation Two-Step { }
These discussion ideas can build your child’s awareness of movement in common rituals. Movement isn’t random. There’s serious community choreography happening around them everyday. A fun part of this lesson will be showing the right way – and the wrong way.
- When preparing for a graduation (or wedding) ceremony, take a few minutes to say what the ceremony is about. Why is graduation an important milestone?
- School graduations have a lot of work to do. They need to make it official that the students have successfully completed their work. They need to help the families see and feel the importance of the moment. And they need to make sure that all of the graduates get the time and attention they deserve.
- There is always music – music that feels grand and a little slow. The music says, “This is important.” And it is important because it represents a very big change in someone’s life. Their lives will be different from this point on.
- The caps and gowns also add to the solemnity and importance.
- And then, the procession. Graduates march in a very special way – in a long line. (Show them.) This means it takes quite a while to get all the way to the stage – which is perfect so every mom and dad have a minute to get some pictures and to wave and generally burst with pride.
- Let’s practice it now. It all feels very controlled, doesn’t it.
- Imagine if the music was very fast, what would happen? How would the ceremony feel different?
- What would happen if the graduates didn’t march in a line at all? What if they all ran up at once? How would the ceremony feel?
- When the event is over, all the students march out again, but this time it is casual and a little faster. The music and the movement now reflect the happiness and relief.
- Do you think it’s important that they end by marching out in pairs? Would the ceremony feel less important if the graduates just jumped off the stage and ran to their parents.
The “I Like You!” Dance { }
The lesson is obvious – and fun. Lots of animals – and people too – just naturally dance to win attention and show love and other feelings.
- Share these two videos. This bird is working very very hard to win attention. Even uses full costume. When birds are already in love, they love to dance together.
- Birds work very hard doing all sorts of fancy dances to win other birds’ hearts. Why do you think dancing impresses other birds?
- People, too, can show lots of emotions when they dance.
- Many of these movements happen naturally. When we are happy, our bodies can feel light. Skipping can feel like the right thing to do just because your body is happy. What else might your body want to do when you feel happy?
- When we are scared, we just naturally pull away and curl up to protect ourselves. We close ourselves. Any other ideas on ways our bodies show that we are scared?
- Have you ever heard the phrase ‘stomping mad?’ Sometimes when we are angry we just naturally want to stomp around. Stomp! Stomp! Why do you think stomping feels so right?
- Our whole bodies feel the feelings and express those feelings.
Music Sleuth – Discovery Week { }

It is everywhere – almost invisible to us. For a week, everyone in the family makes a note every time they notice music. At the end of the week, compile them all in a common list.

Have some fun with the list, challenging friends & family to guess how ubiquitous music is. Begin with a discussion about what counts as music. If your clothes dryer has 3 notes? Microwave? Do they count? Notice when you turn things on and off.

Be sure to notice when you are shopping, or each time you turn on your computer, or background to video games, or television shows, or ….. You get the picture – or – the sound. (And, yes, birds count.)
Read Music Together { }

Introduce your child to the written language of music. Print out some sheet music for a recognizable song. Sit with them and read the song together.

Help them appreciate how, centuries ago, Mozart wrote notes so we can recreate and hear that music today.
Musical Rituals: Good Morning, Starshine { }

When your kids are young, create musical rituals that you sing and enjoy together. Good Morning, Starshine might be perfect as you get ready for breakfast.

Whistle While you Work while you do dishes?

Rocky’s Theme when running to and from the car or school bus?

Mommy & Daddy can each have their own songs. When your child does an overnight with grandma, you can sing it to her on the phone. Sweet connections.
Lyrics Habit: Excuse Me While I Kiss This Guy { }

When you hear a song on the radio, have some fun wondering what the lyrics might be? Get opinions.

Bookmark websites so you can easily look up lyrics. Did I just hear Annie Lenox sing, “Sweet Dreams are Made of Cheese?” Or Toto singing, “I bless the grains down in Africa. “Or Abba, “See that girl, watch her scream, kicking the dancing queen.” “I can see clearly now, Lorraine is gone.” Okay. I’m done.
Music In My Life { }

Share stories of times when music made a difference in your life. Was it a first concert? Your first record player? Seeing Jaws? A relative who played the piano at a family sing-along? Favorite parts of a religious service?

Were there times when you needed sad music? Was there a song that made you swoon?

Remember the details about how you felt. Help them appreciate the role of music in their life.

Explore the music of your family’s and friends’ culture. Why do you think they are all so different? Right here in the U.S., are there regional differences?
The Sound of Your Home { }

The surest way for children to appreciate music is to be surrounded by it. Whatever your musical preferences, repeated exposure to (and celebration of) the music you like builds their familiarity and appreciation.

Having a broad musical palette is wonderful. And building a deep comfort with a couple of favorite genres is great as well. It provides a rich musical home base – the place where they learn about structure and melody and rhythms and all the emotional connections they bring.
Exploring the Role of Music in One Teen’s life. { }

“Please trust me and my music. I don’t listen to songs that make me feel worse. No one does. I want to feel better and it begins by seeing that others have felt the same way.” – Angelina

Angelina: a sophomore in high school in Maine; bright, wonderful, one of four children; parents separated; has used cutting as a way to deal with the stresses in her life. Angelina was gracious, honest and articulate in the interview process. She was generous with her feelings with the hope that her story may help parents and kids like her stay connected.

PREFERENCES

S. So talk to me about music. What types of music do you like? Read more…
Letting Go of The Lead { }

It’s official. There comes a point when it is important for you as parents to cede “coolness” to the next generation. This means yielding to their playlists.

As your child’s sense of individuality grows, music can be the stage on which it visibly (audibly?) happens. They identify with their generation’s music as different from yours. Who they listen to is important in their social circles.

So – yield the car radio. And maybe your home system (occasionally)

Chin up. There will be a time when you can help them with the ever-emerging “classics” trend.
Marching: Thrill of Moving in Unison { }
We want our kids to understand and experience the magical power of marching, or moving, or dancing in unison. Science shows how the experience builds a sense of connection and community – a sense of being part of something bigger than yourself. Although your child may not be able to name it, they will certainly feel it.
- Invite them to march – perhaps initiating it first without them. Music might be the inspiration or it could simply be time to get them to refocus.
- Start with an energetic march through your home or outside on the sidewalk, high knees and arms, head held high. Salute people as you walk by. Or salute pictures and stuffed animals.
- Tell observers you are marching to show how proud you are of your school or garden or clean toy room.
- Turn it into a stomping march. A very small and quiet march. The trick is getting them to adjust and experience the variations and stay aligned. Marching in unison is where the magic happens.
- Can we march backwards? Can you start and show me how?
- Try marching to super-fast and super-slow music. How does this feel?
- Prepare them for how the marching will stop. Perhaps, “ATTENTION!” then “MARCHING HALT!” then four steps in place. Bring some formality to how it ends, showing respect for the activity.
- Obviously a favorite is, “The Ants Go Marching One By One.”
- When they have friends visiting, ask your child if they would like to show their friends how you march together – and invite them to join you.
Applying Music: Family Deejay? { }

Family events. Ask your teenager to pick out music that will keep guests attentive and having fun with one another? Discuss the vibe you each think would be great. Should there be some slow and some fast? A few oldies?

Suggest they reach out to people in advance asking, “If you could pick one song to play at this barbecue, what would it be?”

Discuss volume – loud enough for energy, but not so loud people can’t hear one another. Are there some dancing ‘must-haves”?

Thank them in front of everyone. Suggest they might be available ….
Music Within Reach { }

Don’t pass up opportunities to stroll through country fairs or linger with street performers. Get your child in the habit of lingering and giving the players a chance to be really heard.

Physical proximity to the fiddle or bagpipes or drums or – whatever – can work a little magic. The connection among child, performer and instrument can be palpable. Make a personal connection, even if it’s a head nod and thanks. Encourage your child to look the player in the eyes to say thank you.

As you move on, discuss how grateful you feel.
Get To Know Your Child’s Musical Palette { }

With the onset of iPhones and musical streaming services, much of your children’s music may be invisible to you. Without effort, you may never actually hear it. Encourage them to plug into the car system – making it easier to initiate a discussion.

Ask them to tell you why that music is great. Why do kids like it?

Have fun with what you understand – and don’t understand – in the lyrics.

Enjoy it – and remember that each generation wants to change the rules – and be a bit out of reach. So – seeming a bit confused can be a really good thing.

Consider – BRIEFLY – relating it to a song or sentiment from when you were their age. Talk BRIEFLY about the difference.
Hold On! { }
Okay. I know every parent already does this in some form, but it can be such a lovely learning tool that it warrants another mention. The purpose is to build your young child’s awareness of movement and connection and feelings … and love.
- Hold your child and dance. Talk about your movements as you do them.
- Let’s sway. After a couple of sway moves, look into their eyes and connect. Do they like it? Do they want to do it again?
- Let’s spin. Glide. Dip. Did you like that? Bigger dip. Stretch.
- See if they can direct you and tell you what they want.
- Talk about the moves you like best.
- Show how you like to move if you feel sad or happy or sleepy.
- Can both Mommy and Daddy hold the child between them and all dance together? Fancy footwork. Dip. Stretch. The sky’s the limit.
- Play a love song. Let them feel the love as you dance.
Echo Echo { }
These ideas can help younger children become more ‘attuned’ to their sound environment. Like waking up their senses.

Together with your child, notice, repeat and manipulate sounds they hear every day. Depending on their age, you can introduce new challenges. “Can you make that sound – louder? Softer?”

What if we made that sound instead of saying the word, “‘please?” Or if we had to use the sound between other words?

Sounds can include silverware on the counter, clap, bang, bells, whoosh – whatever you notice.
- Silverware on the counter – vs silverware on the table vs silverware on a plate
- The sound of your phone
- Car horns
- Water going down the drain
- When the microwave is done
- Sirens
- The different sound of a footstep on gravel or grass or wood?
- Toast popping when it is done.
- Birds? Bees? This little piggy?
- Let’s use that sound in a song?
- Let’s replace lamb with a horn sound. “Mary had a little honk, little honk, …”
- The ‘buzz” go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah.
Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack { }

Hand-clapping games are played in schoolyards everywhere, in every language. Eventually they can find their way into your home. They help people (yes, parents too) with eye-hand coordination, rhythm, motor skills and have been shown to effectively reduce anxiety and stress.

These games have been around for centuries and continue to provide kids with hours of healthy fun. Too often they are primarily encouraged for girls. Make this a family thing – really bonding parents and kids in the fun.

Today’s Parent Magazine has given you 10 classic hand-clapping games to teach your kid.

The New York Times article, Around the World in 5 Kids’ Games, offers five games from around the world.

Enjoy. (Dad! Show them you’ve got what it takes too.)
Can You Dance With Your Hands? { }
The purpose of this conversation is to help your child see and feel the art of dance in their own homes and in their own bodies. You can help them recognize the freedom, fun and expression of moving their bodies. Most of this conversation will be action – a playful back and forth. They can experience the thrill of coordinated movements – working together as well as doing their ‘own thing’.
- With music playing in the background – My hands feel like dancing to that music. (Do some easy rhythmic moves with your hands. Or flying or swaying moves. Or hands spiking into the air moves. Or even working your fingers like legs.)
- Select one easy combination and ask, can you do this?
- What do your hands feel like doing with this music? Let’s see If I can do it too.
- Let’s take turns showing and learning.
- Want to try it to a different kind of music?
- These are jazz hands – dazzle dazzle.
- Can we do the same thing with our feet?
- Let’s do a lip dance. Are you ready?
- Ohhhh – the belly dance.
- Butt dance? Let’s get mommy or daddy in here to join us for the butt dance!
- Let’s see if we can help these stuffed animals dance?
Bee Dance { }
These conversation ideas can help your young child appreciate how much we can communicate with one another by using our bodies.
- Did you know that bees tell the other bees from their hive where to find flowers? Bees don’t need to discover it all by themselves. They learn from one another.
- Can you guess how bees teach one another?
- Dancing! They show the way to the flowers by dancing out the directions.
- Even though we have words and maps, let’s see if we can do a dance that shows how to get to the school.
- Can we do a dance that communicates happiness? Can we make up a thank-you dance?
Hula Dancing & Storytelling { }
These discussion ideas can help your child begin to understand the role dance plays in communities – preserving history through storytelling, routinely pulling people together to reinforce community beliefs and values. Invite your child to watch a quick video or two. Please review first. The women’s video has one coach outburst that isn’t great – you decide if the rest of the video is worth it. I think it is. Hula for men. Hula for women.
- Can we take a few minutes to check out a cool form of dancing – the hula? Many people think of it as just beautiful movement by pretty women, but it is so much more than that. It is really a powerful way the people of Polynesia tell and celebrate their history. Their dance has it’s own language and movements that make it unique.
- What do you notice when you watch these dancers?
- It looks like there are very specific moves for specific words or ideas. A whole new language. Could you understand what they might be saying?
- Just like people in different locations have their own language, they can also have their own dance language, and other art styles. That’s one way they stay connected.
- Why might parents in Polynesia want their children to learn their local dances?
- It takes people lots of time to learn and perform together. LOTS of time. Why do you think people are willing to work so hard?
- What sorts of things are important enough to you that you are willing to practice even when you are tired? When I was a kid I really wanted to learn ….. (Share a personal story. Were you nervous? How did it feel? How did things work out for you?)
- Let’s think about creating our own holiday dance – like Thanksgiving – where we remind people what we are celebrating. We can make it short and fun – and have everyone do it before we eat dinner. Who knows? It might become one of our family traditions. Who can we get to do a video?
Dancing My History { }
This conversation will help your child appreciate how dances – what is in or not – evolves with each generation. And, by doing those old dances together, its like stepping back in time togethere.

Every family’s heritage is filled with traditions. These conversation ideas can help your child feel the pride and power of celebrating their culture. They feel connected to earlier generations and to each other. Even when they are at school, the warm and fun memories can keep kids feeling safe – and special. This discussion can be more of a dance-a-thon than a conversation.
- “When I was your age, everyone was doing the ( ) dance.” Get out of your chair and give them a treat.
- “Later, when I was in high school, we did ( ) and ( ) and ( ).” Again – give them the thrill of stepping back in time.
- When we (you and spouse) were dating …
- On our wedding day, our first dance …
- Some dances change all the time – teenagers are great at finding new ways to have fun with music.
- Some dances are fun forever – for example, I remember your first dance – when you were tiny – was a happy dance (demonstrate)
- Then there is the bunny hop and the hokey pokey and the macarena and the …..
Does How You Move Tell Your Story? { }
The intent of these conversation ideas is to help your child recognize that people tell you some of their story by how they carry themselves. Dare I call it dance? They can communicate something about the group(s) they want to belong to. Something about their confidence. Ultimately we want our children to recognize that they control their own messages.
- You can begin with a few adults at a distance. Help them notice details and patterns.
- Do they walk with energy? Hold their heads up? Hands in pockets? Do they keep adjusting their cap? Twirl their hair?
- Do you have any ideas about what might be going on in their lives? Do you think they are tired? Happy? Confident?
- If you notice a group of teens – explore what your child can read from how they move together. Often groups of people walk the same way, same posture, etc. Do you think they are athletes? Into hip hop?
- Do you think people can adjust how they walk?
- If you walk in a different way, do you feel different? If you hold your shoulders back and head high? Or if you scuff, round your shoulders and look down, does it affect how you feel?
Self awareness is the goal for them. Simple conversations about movement in others is as far as you need to go. Let them make the leap to their own action.
Show ‘Em What You Got { }
The lesson? Dancing can be fun – and it feels good. Much of the learning will come from seeing you model in-the-moment fancy footwork.
- Standing at the stove stirring? Pick up a rhythm with your hips and feet and enhance it as you continue to stir. Using care not to burn yourself, the spoon could be a microphone for a second or two.
- When you are setting the table or putting things away, do a pirouette or two. Show some style. End with a dramatic bow.
- Begin a follow-the-leader routine as they follow you to the kitchen or the car. You do a step variation – and they follow. On your way back, they get to lead and you follow.
- When you both have your feet on the floor, tap out a short rhythm. See if they can copy it with just one listen. Or two. Make it easy at first. Of course they get to then tap out their own and you must try to repeat it.
- Plan a tapping code. A secret rhythm that says “I love you.” or “I’m getting bored.” Only family members will know what it means.
- When you are expecting a friend or family member to come to your front door, plan a quick spin and welcoming bow as you open the door. Be fearless. You might give that person a heads-up so they can enter with a little flair too.
The Macarena { }

Well, just because it’s a social requirement. And … why not! Such an accessible way to celebrate together – and have fun. You all can be the first on the floor at that wedding.

Macarena Instructions
Strutting to the Music { }
This short exercise can help your children notice how strongly their bodies want to align with the the rhythms they hear. It is almost irresistible. Hmmmm. I wonder why.
- When you have music with a strong rhythm playing in your home, invite your child to move with you in time with the music.
- Share with them how you use music to help you move quickly – when the need calls for it. Out for a fast walk or run? Need to clean and want to keep the pace up?
- Get the family to march in place to the rhythm playing and ask one person to now march in a slightly slower or faster rhythm. And maintain it. (It can be difficult.)
- Then see if someone can join that person and match their rhythm – while the original song is still playing
- Why do you think this is difficult?
A Nod to a Head Nod { }
These discussion ideas can build your child’s awareness of how much we communicate using our bodies. By recognizing physical language around smaller things, they can begin to see dance and movement as expression and not simply entertainment. They become aware of how they use their own bodies – every day – to express themselves.
- People communicate with each other in lots of ways, but most often through their words and their bodies – at the very same time. What we are doing with our bodies when we say words tells as much as the words themselves. (Actually, our words are only responsible for 7% of the message. The other 93% comes from body language and tone of voice.)
- Can you think how we say ‘yes’ using just our body? No? Maybe?
- Did you know that in sign language you say “yes” by nodding your fist?
- What if we said “no” to someone – with a smile on our face. What might that mean? (Act it out.)
- What if we said “no” and hung our head and walked away? What might that mean?
- What if we said, “Yes” while dropping down dramatically into a chair? What might that mean?
- What if someone nodded their head up and down vigorously? What might that mean? Does it mean more than yes?
- Challenge each other, “Can you say, ‘I don’t know!’ without words?” I’m bored? Hurry up! Thank you. I have to pee.
- We often show how we feel just by how we walk. Try walking ‘sad’ and see if they can guess. Take turns. Feeling proud? Angry. In a hurry. Ashamed.
Family History in Songs { }

“The history of a people is found in its songs.” – George Jellinek.

These conversations can take your child on a musical tour of your family’s heritage. This can be related to your race(s), ethnicities, faiths. You might want to begin with songs from your childhood that meant a lot to you. Encourage your child to ask grandparents about songs they remember – those they feel capture something special about your cultural heritage. Are there other people in your neighborhood who can be helpful?

Perhaps select a few ‘historical’ songs to play while you eat dinner? Way into their future, a time will come when they hear family favorites – and all the warm memories of home will rush back. Listening and singing together while they are young is an investment in lifetime connections.
Air Moving { }
Part of the joy of dancing is feeling the air move around us. Help your young child notice and experiment with how it feels to move our bodies through space.
- Did you know that our bodies always move through air? It isn’t empty space; it’s filled with air that surrounds us. Wave your hands in the air. Can you feel it?
- Give your child a feather. The soft part is like our hair. Can you turn in a circle without having the feather flutter? Why do you think that happens?
- When we really feel the air moving around us, it can feel like flying
- Of course, having a hand out the car window – and feeling the force of it – is a required exercise.
Move On Down the Road { }
The point of these discussion ideas is to help your child know that the music we enjoy changes over time – as we change.
- Do you have a favorite singer? A favorite song? Do your friends like that song too?
- Way back in 1717, Johann Sebastian Bach was the most popular. He was like a rock star. And people are still playing his music today even though it is 300 years old.
- One hundred years ago there was more new music. And fifty years ago. And just one year ago.
- Do you remember your favorite songs when you were just a baby? I do. (Sing it together)
- Are there songs you really liked last year? Any new favorites?
- When I was your age I really liked ___. (Sing it.)
- Today this is my favorite song.
- Even though I have new favorite songs every year, I still really like to play my old favorites. They bring me back to happy memories.
- When we sang some of your old favorites, did they bring back old feelings?
- Music has a way of connecting to our hearts and bringing old feelings back.
Baby Talk and Puppy Talk { }
The purpose of these conversation ideas is to help your child notice and appreciate how we use our voices in different ways to connect and communicate more effectively. It may not seem like singing, but we naturally adjust the timbre and pitch with babies (and puppies) as if they have a special song. Here is some recent research.
- Have you noticed how people almost always use different voices when they engage with babies? Why do you think we do that?
- Science has shown us that it is a powerful way to get and keep their attention so we can really connect. So they feel our attention. Feeling connected is an important part of being human.
- Do you see a difference if you use a quiet low voice with a baby? Do they pay attention in the same way?
- If you want a baby to be comforted and quieted, would you use your voice in a different way?
- If we use our high voices do you think we sound more sad or happy? Calm or excited?
- Bedtime voices?
Rise Up! { }
Help your child appreciate how, when times are tough, music can be a powerful way of pulling together and supporting one another – while sharing intentions with the whole world. You can begin by sharing the video in this article about a choir in Baltimore. This was only their second practice!
- What do you think the kids in this video are feeling when they perform this song? And what else?
- If I were singing with this group, I’d definitely be feeling ….
- What do you think they are thinking about? Remembering words? Wondering if their shirts are tucked in? Do you think that, when you are singing, your body is more about feelings than thoughts?
- They all worked hard to sing together in one voice. Do you think they all feel connected to one another when they sing – like they are a part of something bigger than themselves? Have you ever felt that feeling?
- How about you? When you heard this song what were you feeling and thinking? Did you feel strong? Hopeful?
- If a listener was facing some real challenges in their lives, do you think the song might help them?
- Just think about it – words and music go through the air and make a real difference in the world.
- Do you have other songs you like to listen to that make you feel better?
Social Dancing for Toddlers { }
Social dancing can be a real challenge for our kids. I know this because it is a real challenge for me and everyone else I know. The purpose of these conversation ideas is to explore the social and emotional aspects of dancing.
- Begin when they are young. At weddings and parties, model the ease and fun of enjoying music together. Help your child see that social dancing is less about performance and more about joining in the celebration with friends and relatives.
- Carry your young child to the dance floor and move around with them. Look them in the eye and smile. Move over to other dancers and mirror their moves (if you can). Enjoy the people you see, moving around in a fun way, but, most importantly, make personal connections – eye contact. Your child will automatically experience the sense of real connection when you move in harmony with others.
- “Let’s see if we can do what ___ is doing?”
- When they are ready to dance beside you, repeat the process. Look in your child’s eyes as you move together in happy or silly ways. Walk with them to join others.
- Take turns trying some silly steps. Or following what other dancers are doing. The purpose is to relax and enjoy moving together. Appreciating one another.
- Lead your child to invite others, especially relatives who are sitting this one out. It’s almost impossible to say no to a child.
Social Dancing – School Age { }
These conversation ideas can help you middle school child appreciate the social connection role of school dances. Being great at dancing is less important than enjoying your friends – to music.

All the world’s a stage. School dances can be like Olympic events for our kids. They want desperately to belong. To not be ridiculed or marginalized. To show (some) competence. And to celebrate true friendships. They feel like all eyes are on them – and they are. The purpose of these conversation ideas is to explore the social and emotional aspects of school dances.
- Help your child appreciate that school dances are less about performance and more about joining in the celebration with friends.
- Ask them what they think makes a good school dance? How can you tell if people are having fun?
- What kinds of things happen to make a dance uncomfortable for some people?
- Ask what they most enjoy about school dances. What about school dances make them nervous or uncomfortable?
- Sometimes people like to do ‘big’ dancing – taking up lots of room. Do you know anyone like that?
- While someone is dancing in a big way, do you think they are paying attention to their friends or partners? Is that important? Sometimes that can isolate them. Can you think why?
- Sometimes people like to do quieter dancing – enjoying the music but not taking up much space. They stay closer to their friends. Do you know anyone like that?
- Are there songs that everyone enjoys? Crowd favorites? Are there special moves? What do you think is the best way to learn them?
- Share stories and dances from when you were a teenager. Any favorite memories?

Talking with our children about...

Music

Here are a few pointers:

Finding the moment.

Space & time.

Introducing the topics with care.

Fatigue.

Pace.

Conversation – not lesson.

Easy and safe.

Enjoy.

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