Tough-Guy Things I Can Do Because I Don’t Wear a Face Mask

Enjoy this tongue-in-cheek litany! It’s a very manly list. – SA

Spit anywhere I want. Got that, Mask Boy?

Smoke big-ass cigars. Not only does it look boss as hell, it keeps me from eating too much candy.

Smooch bodacious babes. Tattooed hotties who have piercings and hair so red you almost forget that the smoke is coming from my stogie and not their scalps.

Grit my teeth to show that I’m not exactly happy with how close you’re getting to my PT Cruiser. That’s right, the one with a Harley-Davidson sticker. 

By Alex Watt, The New Yorker